Letting Go of Judgement, Expectations & Fear

I don't hold myself to a schedule for when or how often I write or create things to put out into the world. There's a compulsory urge that draws me to write or make a video to share, whether that's here on this blog, Instagram or my professional platforms. Usually I sit down to write, and the words gush out and I experience flow state. But sometimes, like right now... I know I have so much to say, but I get blocked by that false nagging, negative voice of the Ego - "EVERYONE is going to judge you and roll their eyes", "Who are you to speak on topics like sobriety, meditation, being a woman in business or spirituality? You don't have a PhD. You're not a CEO.", "Talking about not drinking is lame, you are a loser and alone in your decisions."

You know when your brain and anxiety spiral into making up those "What if...?" future scenarios aka 'future tripping'...? Stemming from a place of fear and worry that you are not going to be safe, keeping you trapped in insecurity, expecting continual shame and humiliation and disappointment? How do I know what you are thinking right now? I don't. I'm being pretty clear about what I'm thinking, which is a vulnerable thing to do. It's not wrong to be afraid of vulnerability, it is very human. 

I've always had an enormous amount of confidence, the kind I have to keep in check to keep from becoming domineering or arrogant. But those past experiences or 'traumas' we all collect as we walk through life - the bullying (I learned in therapy how much bullying fuccccks us up), physical pain, near death experiences, lack of love, fear, grief, abandonment - can be paralyzing. We all have to work through these climates of the soul to the varying degrees we experience them, to get back to a place of peace and remember we are worthy of this life and of love. 

In sober circles it's common knowledge that you experience 'gifts of sobriety. 'Meditating every morning, being with myself in a quiet place, let me hear the still small voice that told me alcohol wasn't serving me anymore... or that it never served the real me. Drinking and getting drunk didn't help me make progress to my potential. It sucked up my time, energy, money and created more shame, more drama and more insecurity.

The purposes and passions I've had time to discuss with the renewed clarity and energy and safety that not drinking has ushered in - I didn't have time or space or energy to discover before. I don't know why it can be so awkward to try to explain to people why you don't drink anymore. I feel a need to appease their personal relationship with alcohol, and not offend anyone by being honest that making this choice has changed my life more than any other choice I have ever made - and it's the best choice I have ever, ever, ever made. And it's a choice I've continued to make with immense gratitude every single day. That's the truth. I'm learning how to be confident being convicted in my truth, as you should be convicted in yours. 

Confidence in your choices leads to peace and puts you on a path to live a life beyond your wildest dreams! Our imaginations aren't big enough to predict the future, so I'm letting go of expectations for what's going to happen and what my human brain thinks the best outcome is.  

It is Sober October on social media! As much as we lament the woes of Instagram and the mental health damage if can cause - there are still plenty of positive communities with inspiring content out there #sobercurious #sobriety are two hashtags to seek out. There are 365 days in a year - a 31 day month is only 8.49% of that. A positive mindset when you set out to accomplish something you want to, is a very powerful thing. Two books by the author Catherine Gray, flipped a switch for me that I should take ownership over the amazing joy the experience of leaving alcohol behind in my 20s has brought me!

If you're reading this - you must know me personally or within 1 degree of separation. I don't blog or post reels with a becoming a full time 'influencer' to millions of strangers. I don't have a financial interest in what I publish. I always welcome private discussions about this sobriety journey of mine. I won't judge your questions or curiosity, just as I'm letting go of any assumptions that you are judging my life and my choices. They say create what you want to see in the world. So, that's what I'm going to continue to do.

xoxo

MaddyMo