Happy Birthday to Me!

Thirty one trips around the sun! Today I turned thirty one years old. Last year when I turned thirty it felt like a significant milestone and I felt markedly older. This year, I feel more mature mostly because I kept forgetting my birthday was approaching and for the first time ever did not make everyone celebrate my birthday daily for all of April :). I forgot to take off work, so my day has been scattered with virtual video calls, but I still had time to go to my favorite coffee shop in town this morning, lay in the sun and take a long beach run. Since I quit caffeine, my go-to order is a Golden Turmeric latte - turmeric, coconut oil, whole milk and cinnamon - delicious! We also got croissants (I wrote in my gratitude journal this morning that I would celebrate with carbs and sugar). This will be my first booze-less birthday in over a decade! I have a cute photo my college roommate took of me holding my ID the day I turned 21 at a chic bar grown up bar (for a college town) that actually carded for a cocktail after class. My friends made me a gigantic T-rex shaped poster (inside joke, I have very tiny arms and hands so my sorority sisters made fun of me and called me T-rex) and wrote 21 things to-dos it. That night I proceeded to get drunk at the pre-game my fraternity friends threw, and did not make it out to the bars to check off the list of *21 action items* i.e. dance on a bar, take shots with friends, request certain songs, etc.  But, since I didn't make it out my Big in my sorority took my *21 run* poster and pretended like it was her birthday all night! I did have an awesome pink jumpsuit for my birthday outfit... Tonight I'll be having dinner with my honey and my brother at a delicious Southeast Asian restaurant with delicious Lychee soda drinks, sans alcohol. On a team call yesterday one teammate joked "Are you taking the day off for your birthday? It's the day after you probably need to take off!" And our Director was like, "Not Madelyn! She doesn't have that problem she doesn't drink!" That is true, I do not drink and I will not be hungover tomorrow! However, I still have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning and prefer 8-11 hours of sleep... 

I'm excited to be thirty one! It already feels like a great age to be. I was ready to get out of my twenties, life feels like it's starting to settle into place in my thirties and I have a lot more stability and less questions about the future. My main priority is getting my mental health on track, which I've been dedicating a lot of time, energy and money towards. So many appointments! We're taking a two week vacation to French Polynesia in June, and man am I looking forward to a few weeks with NO APPOINTMENTS OR MEETINGS. I've had a HELL of a time finding a therapist that is able to treat me, has availability and takes my insurance, but the stars have aligned and I have a promising appointment this week! I said in a recent post I wasn't really looking forward to therapy, but I know I have WAY too much going on in my head, and I need help sorting through a lot of things. Getting sober is a real trip... I absolutely used to use alcohol and marijuana to numb feelings and keep my thoughts and emotions at bay. Maybe I wasn't particularly conscious or intentional about using substances to do that... but it happened. Cause and effect. Now I'm just one big raw walking bag of feelings! Out in the open! I want to face the world as the best version of myself, so I am putting in a lot of effort to feel good, be good and do good. 


xoxo maddymo


Currently Reading:

Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins 

The Lightmaker's Manifesto by Karen Wolrand  

What Happened to You? by Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry

 

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